Growing up I wasn’t taught self-value or self-worth. I saw myself as someone the world could do without. I had no hope, and a person who has no hope, has nothing to lose.

Still, I have no excuse for hurting others. I was wrong. And not only did I hurt my victim (Taming Trauma withholding name in this public sphere for their sake), but I hurt their friends, family, their coworkers and everyone they are connected with. I now understand the ripple effect.

The most agonizing pain I’ve ever felt was the embarrassing moment I realized how many people I let down. For the first time in my life, I struggled with life and death. I chose death.

I was in my cell and an officer noticed I was in distress. He didn’t hit the alarm, he just walked over and reached his hand through the tray slot. He reached out to me like a magnet and I held his hand. He told me the most powerful and memorable words of my life, “God is not done with you yet, hold on!”

I’ve been holding on ever since.

Demetrius Johnson
AI2454 / D17-C202
P. O. Box 409089
Ione, CA 95640